Giving Gyan: Dear Bachi, my loverboy is ‘confused’

Dear Bachi,

For the last 10 months, I have been in an intimate relationship with a guy. We are both 18 complete. Everything was proceeding smoothly so much so that we went out together, and all his friends took us to be totally serious about and committed to each other.

Then suddenly everything changed. He began blaming me for the fact that he had begun to lose interest in his studies. He told me that he was in depression, and that he was going to block me from his Whatapp, and even from his life. He even told one of our mutual friends that he felt nothing for me at all. So you can understand why all this is causing me a great deal of pain. I want to help him, but how can I if I can’t get through to him, let alone meet him in person?

We had a lovely relationship, so I think this hostility is only a temporary block resulting from the fact he cannot accept his academic failures. I am turning to you because I have no one else to confide in and advise me on how I can get back into his life. My parents are out of the question because they are very traditional minded, and their only solution would be to immediately arrange a marriage for me. Which is the last thing I want.


Dear CarryingTheCan,

OK, so here we again have ‘The Endemic Indian Romanic Ailment.’

Boy suffers from Acute Cold Feetitis. Girl suffers from Acute Myopia which prevents her from reading the writing on the wall despite it being as large as the first line on an optician’s chart. Yes, ex-loverboy is ‘confused’. But not for the reason you mention. He can’t figure out a decent way of telling you that he led you up the garden path ( maybe unwittingly) so he’s making these absurd excuses for his own failures. Which means that you, my dear girl, have landed on a bed of thorns instead of the expected one strewn with rose petals.


You are hoping that he will come crawling back to you on his knees, begging for forgiveness, and it will be ‘All’s Well That Ends Well’, or rather ‘All’s Well That Reboots Again.’ If this wonderful scenario does happens, you are free to forgive, forget and start anew. But for now, please accept the orst case scenario, namely the present bleak one. Detox the delusion that the guy actually still loves you, and that it’s only a matter of time before he realises this.

As I keep having to tell you blinded lovers, ‘Get the message, and get back your self-respect.’ Forgetting is tough, but at 18, you are only at the start of tough decisions. The good news is that you have lots of time to learn from mistakes, and ultimately make the right choice, baby.

Ask your questions to Bachi @[email protected]

(Write Giving Gyan in the subject line of your email)



Views expressed above are the author’s own.


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Sagar Biswas

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