Giving Gyan: Dear Bachi, is it a crime to marry another man’s wife?
Is it a crime to marry another man’s wife? Before you warn me against committing bigamy, let me clarify that the other man was my good friend but he died in an accident two years ago.
I am 30 and unmarried though with my parents and every do-gooder relative is on a desperate mission to ‘get me settled’ before I, the eligible bachelor, am ‘caught’ by some ‘unsuitable girl’. I met this woman a year or so after her husband’s tragic death, and what started of as listening to her slowly developed into something special. For both of us. She is 29. I have also grown very fond of her son, and he too likes me. He is six years old.
So, how do I get over the huge hurdle of family? They will start a huge drama for sure. I know it isn’t easy for them to accept this. But I do want to want this woman in my life. How do I match my desire with their resistance?
– Wannabe Hubby
Dear Wannabe Hubby,
I can see your difficulty as clearly as your family sees this as a total disaster. The woman of your dreams would definitely falls into the lowermost rungs of the ‘unsuitable’ category, as far as your parents and busybody relatives are concerned. A ‘widow’ that too with the ‘encumbrance’ of a young child? Toba Toba!!
I can hear the weeping, the gnashing of teeth and the beating of breasts. However, we are almost at the end of the 21 st year of the 21 st century, not the shameful sati ones.
So don’t let any blinkered bunch consign your love to the funeral pyre. Having said that, I have to click my Red Flag emoji. Before you wade into the shark-infested waters of family, and even the benign ocean of marriage, please be absolutely certain of two main factors. One, are you 101% sure that somewhere deep down you aren’t only being the knight in shining armour saving the distressed damsel?
Secondly, there is a short shelf-life of relationships which start by lending a ear, going on to lending a shoulder and then ending up with the object of your sympathy in your arms. This hazard is equally true for the woman who may just be grateful for having found such a friend during her darkest hour. It’s great as the basis of friendship, but marriage is another ball game altogether. With a completely different scenario, and a host of mundane problems that tend to get the upper hand over romance. So I would suggest going ahead with eyes wide open. Starry ones inevitably blur the true picture. If you dispassionately check the right boxes, and she does too, go for it.
Having given yourselves these tests and emerged with flying colours will give you all the ammo you need to shoot down family objections. If they still dig in their heels, you should just march away into marital bliss. And, oh yes, do have a serious chat with the little boy. Here too there’s a distinction between fun pal and new papa. Don’t just expect him to simply figure out what’s happening and go along as best he can.
Ask your questions to Bachi @[email protected]
(Write Giving Gyan in the subject line of your email)
Views expressed above are the author’s own.
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